Well hello there!
I am thrilled that you came over here to check out my blog. MY blog. How crazy is that? To say I’m excited is an understatement! This has been something I’ve thought about doing on and off for years, but, you see, English wasn’t my best subject, and we all know as women that the devil has a way of making us think that we aren’t capable of doing amazing things.
I struggled with this for years. I would hear God speak, but I would say no because I felt that I wasn’t capable of doing what He was asking. I had an amazing dad that taught me to be confident, to believe I could do anything, and to understand my worth, but sometimes I didn’t always believe him. I would think, “He’s just saying that because he’s my dad.” I battled daily in my mind against thoughts of worthlessness and inadequacy.
I have been leading worship at my church since I was fourteen, and I always felt all this pressure to be something on the outside that I wasn’t. I would get up, sing the songs, and sit down again. I never believed what I was singing. I put on my church face and did what I had to do.
Do you want to know why I put the mask on? Because I didn’t have a true relationship with Jesus. I loved Him. I knew about Him. I could tell you all the Bible stories. But I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him.
I was more focused on what the outside looked like than the inside. I was concerned about how I was performing and how I looked to others, not realizing I was slowing dying on the inside spiritually. I wasn’t feeding my spirit. I had neglected it, and it was beginning to show.
I grew up in church my whole life. My family was very involved in our local church, and I loved every minute of it. I got saved at the age of seven in a Wednesday night class. I later realized that my main motivation for getting saved was that I didn’t want to go to hell. Now understand, my heart was always to serve God, and the intentions of my heart were in the right place. The problem was my mind. My thinking was all messed up, and because my thinking was messed up, I thought wrongly of God.
I always pictured Him as that over-eager little kid who stands over the whack-a-mole game at an arcade. His eyes are wide and darting back and forth. His hammer poised in his hand, ready to come down on any mole that had the audacity to pop its head up. I felt like God was just waiting for me to make a mistake, to pop my head up at the wrong time. I felt like He was just waiting to give me what I deserved—a whack on the head. But the truth is, God is nothing like that!
I decided it was high time that I listened to what God was speaking to me. When I did, I discovered a God I had never met! Romans 8:1-2 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Jesus Christ the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
This verse became the verse by which I lived my life because I realized for the first time that I was truly free!
Free from sin.
Free from having to be good enough.
Free from the fear that had gripped me.
I was FREE!
There aren’t enough words in the world to explain that feeling. A few years later, I was coming out of a really tough situation in my life, and I poured out my feelings about this freedom in the best way that I knew how—I wrote a song called Amazing Grace (I’ll post the link to it at the bottom of the page). This song talks about my journey from bondage to freedom, from feelings of helplessness to feeling God’s overwhelming love in every situation, from living in fear to living under grace.
Did this just magically happen overnight? Absolutely not! It was a decision I had to make. I had to come to the point that I was tired of feeling this way. I was tired of feeling unworthy. I knew in my heart that God called me to be more, and I was ready to let Him do His work. It wasn’t easy. Not even close to easy. It was and still is a daily struggle to be positive and not fall into my old mindset.
Will it be easy for you? No, but God is there. If He did it for me, He can do it for you. When you realize the power of the cross, the power of the blood that was shed for us, you will realize the power of Jesus’ words,
“It is finished.”
There is no more working to gain salvation, no more working to be good enough. The truth is that on our own we aren’t good enough and never will be. Why else would Jesus have come? On our own, we are filthy, dirty, unworthy, unrighteous, and deserve hell. But because of His sacrifice, we become children, loved by a Father who declares that we are the most amazing thing He has ever created. When we become His children, we don’t just become good enough. We become so much more than that.
We become worthy.
Once I discovered this amazing freedom through grace, I learned that I can do anything God calls me to do because He doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called.
This is the whole reason this blog is called Fearless Grace. Because that’s how I strive to live daily.
Fearless and always in His grace.
So please understand this: your fears, your doubts, your pain, your struggles, and your insecurities are welcome here. I hope that you will join me on this amazing journey of discovering God’s radical love for us and realizing that we are His most prized possession, His most priceless gifts.
We are HIS daughters!
Whitney Dawn <3